I’m Not Avoidant I Just Don’t Like You

My annoyance with the weaponization of attachment theory, towards both ourselves and others.

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I don’t want to read anything else about attachment theory. Because when I do, I forget it’s a theory, and I start using it as the frame through which I see everything. But I’m pretty sure that’s like looking out one window in a big house with lots of windows, a backyard, a skylight, mirrors, trap doors, and other little places that might be important to look.

My aversion for attachment theory, or maybe I should say, the weaponization of attachment theory started on a dating app a year or so ago. A guy who I was growing not to like—and who was indeed picking up on me not liking him—suggested I had “an avoidant attachment style”. We had been talking for two days and had not yet met in person. My interest in him evolved into distaste because of the frequency with which he was texting me, pushing for us to meet ASAP and asking for communication in general.